Prayer, please.

Subscribers, this has been a last few trying weeks. Shew, it’s been challenging. I write to you all now just asking for prayer which is something I rarely do in regards to myself. You are probably wondering what’s going on, and to be honest, nothing really major. Just normal, every day things. For some reason though, I’ve been letting things get to me more than I should and I am trying to just let go and let God. Sometimes that doesn’t come easy for me.

For starters, my daughter who has been an honor roll student each report card is struggling this quarter in school. She isn’t the only one struggling, a lot of the class is, but I am that mom who wants her to be challenged but not struggle. It isn’t that she isn’t smart enough, she’s proved herself to be above where she should be based on age alone over and over. However, she’s just gotten into a slump where she doesn’t seem motivated this quarter and it’s the small things like following directions entirely on a problem, reading the questions thoroughly, being responsible and remembering to bring home books when you have something to study for, writing out problems instead of just the answer, you know, the stuff that should come easily. I am trying to remember though, fourth grade is tough. Kindergarten through third, their hands are held, they are babied to a sense, and then fourth grade, it’s time to prepare them for that ribbon to be cut. Once fifth grade comes around, there aren’t the study guides, there aren’t detailed instructions to take home a book. The student has a big responsibility that fourth grade teachers are trying to shape them for. My little girl, doesn’t quite know how to handle all of that responsibility yet and in a sense, doesn’t want to.

I am in no hurry for her to grow up but man, this is a tough school year. Next year she gets to try out for JV Cheerleading which she has been looking forward to since she started the Spirit Squad. She is well aware that if her grades don’t come up and remain good like they have all this time, JV Cheerleading won’t be an option. Just pray for us, y’all. It’s stressful on the teachers, on the students, and on the families at home.

Outside of this school quarter, my focus and determination to really get my life back on track in regards to health and fitness has been somewhat of a downward spiral. I am not sure if it’s just all the added stress and pressure, well yeah I am sure, that’s what it is. My mind has not been mentally focused where it should be and instead I’ve been letting the negative, stress, and anxiousness take over which has led to some unwanted weight gain that I once had lost. I will get there again. I have a friend who will be my Advocare challenge buddy, and another friend who will be training for a 5K run with me. I haven’t ran in years and I so miss the body, the feeling, and the confidence that I had when I did. I look forward to getting there again. Just pray for me. Pray for my sanity, patience, guidance, direction, focus, mentality, confidence, motivation, and peace.

I am thankful for you all, you’re an outlet of sorts. Someone who I can type all of my thoughts (the good, the bad, and the ugly) to. I would love some feedback though, I don’t hear from most of you and would really like to know I’m not the only one out there facing this struggles.

Let’s chat, soon! Xo.
Hollie

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Difficult Season

As I sit here typing this, my eyes are welled up with tears just ready to drop at one blink of my eyes. My breathing is heavy and my heart is heavier. When you hear people say that parenting is one of the most difficult jobs in the world, boy are they right. We’ve had our share of hard parenting times but they are always outweighed with the good times. Sometimes though, I feel we take 1 steps forward and then 2 steps backwards. What I’m going to write about today has been this way since about Kindergarten (and now we are half way through fourth grade). We’ve tried many different solutions, some help better than others, and some don’t help at all. This is me just venting and hopefully letting you know that if you are going through this same season, you aren’t alone.

My daughter has always been funny about clothing since she could carry on a conversation. Something is either too tight, too itchy, too scratchy, you name it. When she was an infant to toddler years we didn’t run into any clothing issues. She wore everything without a fuss. Then we got to the years where my grandmother would keep her and my grandmother being old fashioned wasn’t a fan of jeans. It never failed, if jeans were on her, they would wind up dirty and she would be in different clothes by the time I picked her up. It became a joke. Ever since Kindergarten, she has completely been against jeans or anything jean material. It was (and still is) a preference of leggings, sweats, yoga pants, dresses, and skirts. You can imagine our excitement when the “jeggings” came out!

Here we are now in the middle of her fourth grade year. All is well when the outfit of the day has been picked out by her but the minute the outfit has to be changed into something that she doesn’t like then it is full out war. Let me explain today in minor detail. She wanted to wear a brown suede skirt with a black velvet long sleeve shirt. She put this outfit on and I’m being honest, it was horrid. I know I shouldn’t worry too much about her outfit but at the same time, I do not want others to form negative opinions based on a poorly put together outfit. I wish now I would’ve snapped a picture just so you could see what I mean because words couldn’t do it justice. I didn’t though, so here I am trying to make sense of it all to you. Long story short, she was behind on time. I put together an outfit that included a long sleeved pink shirt and some fake jeans. They aren’t quite leggings but they aren’t jeans, I don’t even know the proper term for them. Well, she literally pitched a fit. Her and I got into a yelling/mean word match (I know, I know, parenting fail on my part) and it just escalated. By the time it was time to leave for school, her face was splotchy red with crocodile tears running down her cheek and she’s trying to apologize. As I close the door, I almost fall to the floor. Crying out in disappointment, aggravation, sadness, madness, and just feeling like I am a complete fail as a parent.

That’s how it goes every time. We’ll have our moment of fussing, crying, getting mad, saying mean and hurtful things, and then apologizing. Why am I even sitting here writing about this? No other reason except to let all of you parents out there relate. If you have gone through or are going through similar scenarios then I want you to know, you are not alone.

Some things that have helped us avoid mornings like this:

  • Planning outfits the night before (although we haven’t made this a regular thing but might need to)
  • Allowing her to dress herself no matter what the outfit looks like and if it’s clean (she will gladly wear a dirty pair of pants that she loves over a clean pair of pants that she dislikes)
  • Giving her choices (even if it’s something she doesn’t like, if she has a choice then she still handles it better than no choice at all)

I realize that some people might say this stuff is petty and we make a big deal out of nothing and I agree, you have to choose your battles. At the same time, this is our battle. We thankfully don’t have other battles that some parents go through. I also am coming to the realization that no matter how much I love my daughter, she is becoming if she isn’t already, a spoiled brat. Not one of those spoiled brats that people can’t stand to be around, she has a heart of gold and such a sweet spirit. Just the spoiled brat way that we have literally tried to give her the whole world and the minute that something doesn’t go her way (always about clothes in her case) then we wind up having one of these moments. I keep believing that this is a season and one day we won’t be facing this hardship. I sure hope.

However, through it all I love her no different. She is still my little girl. I want absolutely nothing but the best for her which is why it is so hard sometimes. Tough lesson in growing up and parenting as well. It’s a process. If you have any similar scenarios then I would love for you to share them to know that hey, we aren’t alone as well. Us parents need to rally together in moments like this instead of pointing fingers and belittling each other based on our different experiences and battles. Parenting isn’t always sunshine and roses but it’s such a blessing and I am so incredibly thankful God has called me to be her parent, even through the storms.

Let’s build each other help!

Missing Piece

This Christmas Eve was a new experience for me, my daughter stayed the night at her dad’s house. Normally, she stays with me and then goes to her dad’s on Christmas Day. Our schedule this year was different to where it worked out better for her to just stay with him Christmas Eve. Last night I was able to lay down earlier than usual, watch The Christmas Story and fall asleep with no intention of waking up to handle operation Santa. No child to run in so excited during the wee hours of the morning to see if Santa made a stop at her house.

Did I sleep in? No. Did I get a good night’s rest? No. Am I little bummed more than excited this Christmas morning? Yes. I tossed and turned all night. I wondered if her dad had a successful operation Santa for his first attempt, no pressure there I tell ya. I wondered if she was sleeping good and would wake up real early like she does here. I wondered if it would affect her mood that her Christmas morning routine was different this year. This Christmas morning, my routine isn’t like it normally is. This Christmas morning I will take my time to set out gifts and stockings from Santa and get the birthday stuff organized (we celebrate Jesus’s birthday on Christmas Day as well). Once everything is organized and ready for my girl, I will sit. I will miss her loudness, her giggles, her excitement. I will miss the wrapping supplies mess after she’s torn into everything. I will miss her singing Happy Birthday to Jesus.

Sharing children isn’t always the easiest, actually most of the time it isn’t easy at all. It can seem like a break from parenthood   but it’s really a missing piece is your normality. I am thankful though that she has so many people who love her and that her dad and I have such a good friendship where things can work out and not be hostile like most divorce situations. That is a true blessing! I’m not complaining because she is at her dad’s, because like I said I’m very thankful for that love he continues to give her, I’m just a little sad because I have a missing piece in my normal Christmas morning routine. Does that make me selfish?

I am so excited for her to come home and us make our Christmas rounds visiting family before coming back home and getting to do our Christmas (and Santa). I cannot wait to have a dose of her excitement and spend the rest of the day together. That’s what I’m looking forward to this Christmas morning. What about you? What is your Christmas routine like and have you ever had to experience sharing your children? If anyone else is in my same boat this morning, I pray that God will bring comfort to your heart and soul. I pray that you’ll be filled with joy and not emptiness. I pray that your day will still be Blessed. Amen.

Merry Christmas to all and a very Happy Birthday to Jesus!