Last Breath

The last few months Kasey’s sister has been spending almost everyday over at their grandmother’s house. They have slowly noticed signs of dementia and some days are good days, some days are not so good days. His sister was such an amazing caregiver. I cannot praise her enough for the amount of attention and care that she provided Ms. Juanita and I believe in my heart she did everything she physically could do for one of the most funniest and loving women I had come to know and love. We didn’t spend as much time with her as we should have but I will forever cherish the time that we did spend with her. I will never forget the day we took my grandmother with us to visit and they sat there for hours just chatting away as if they had known each other since birth. Each visit after that, she was always ask about my grandma and my grandma sure did think highly of Ms. Juanita as well. She’s been my prayer partner during the hours of what I’m about to share with you. 

I will go ahead an warn you, this will be long and might very well be full of typos and grammar issues but please forgive me for that now. I am going to do the best I can to remember all of the details and the reasoning for sharing this information is as a simple reminder to not take a day for granted. Something I have done way too many times. Life is precious and each day truly is a gift. 

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Matthew 5:4

Yesterday morning we received the call that Kasey’s grandmother had called 911 thinking someone was breaking into her house, in all reality there wasn’t anyone there. When they arrived, her room was ransacked from herself trying to move furniture trying to barricade herself in there truly believing that someone was attempting to get in. She was speaking but her words were very mumbled. They asked if they could take her to the hospital to be evaluated to which she agreed. This was something huge for her because she hadn’t been to a doctor in over 40 years, simply because she didn’t trust them. Living through the Great Depression she was very stubborn and felt like she could do everything on her own with no one’s assistance. So doctor visits were nothing she was a part of.
She was in the ER yesterday for around 10-11 hours before getting placed into her own room. Kasey’s sister and dad spent the entire day with her and then Kasey went up there after work. While in the ER we were being told that she had pneumonia, fluid around her heart, a slight amount of dementia, and possible congestive heart failure. When Kasey was with her last night, she was alert and herself but still hard to understand speech wise. His sister said today that she got spunk when she saw Kasey, he sure does love his grandma and she him. Once she got placed into her room, she was able to get some sleep (something of which she rarely got at home because of the dementia that began taking over and her being paranoid). Last night before Kasey left the hospital they had told him they were going to give her a high dose of thyroid medication and an antibiotic and believed that her thyroid could possibly be the cause of the dementia and fluid around her heart. However, with how things were, it was a risk to try because if it wasn’t that, it could send her into cardiac arrest. That was a risk worth taking for a possible reward of answers and move in a positive direction.

This morning, the doctor’s report given to his sister was a good one. She had slept through the night and had made positive improvements. A couple hours after that initial ray of hope, we got devastating news. His sister arrived at the hospital and the doctors were now saying that there had been an abrupt change and she wasn’t going to make it much longer. Her thyroid had basically completely shut down and although surgery was an option, there had already been too much damage to her heart. She was considered as living in a coma state and they were going to bring in Hospice. We knew right away, that wasn’t looking good.

Kasey and I headed to the hospital as so did his other family members. When everyone who was coming had arrived, the PA came in letting us know that there wasn’t anything else that they could do. The surgery wouldn’t enhance or prolong her life and even then, she would have to be on the life support that she specially had requested to not be on. She was unable to breathe on her own and her body temperature wasn’t regulating on its own. From all of the trauma from the thyroid issues that went unchecked, her body had been under so much stress that she suffered a mild heart attack. The PA explained it as if our hearts were rubber bands and they can stretch out and then back in, her heart was so stiff, it wasn’t able to stretch out the way it’s meant to. It was time for the family, specifically Ms. Juanita’s children, to make one of the hardest decisions ever.

The family respected her wishes knowing that although it’s easy for us to want and be selfish by keeping her here longer with help from life support, that would’ve been no way for her to live. About 30-40 minutes after the doctors removed the ventilator and after one of her sons told her thank you for being the best mom and that if she’s ready then we all are ready and we love her so much, she took her last breath and peacefully passed in her sleep while we all surrounded her. That was the first time I had ever witnessed someone leaving their earthly body and I cannot begin to explain the emotions that you experience. The hardest part for me was to see how quickly she became pale, it was almost instant. I am so thankful that she will no longer fear the thoughts dementia placed in her mind and I will forever cherish the time that she welcomed Laekyn and myself as one of her own for the last 4 years. She was a wonderful woman and I just appreciate your prayers for his family in the upcoming days and weeks. Again, I cannot brag on how strong Nickie (Kasey’s sister) has been throughout this process. I will forever remember her putting Chapstick on Ms. Juanita’s lips while she took her final breaths so that her lips wouldn’t be so chapped from the ventilator. Talk about a strong woman, his sister has really been his grandmother’s caregiver in such a selfless way, I am so amazed by her throughout this whole process and I know she probably feels a heavy heart as if she didn’t do enough but boy could that not be more wrong. She did way beyond and everything in her physical power, I am praying extra prayers for her comfort. The days she has made ritual for months are completely turned upside down and there is no way that will be a smooth and easy transistion. If you’re reading this – we love you, Nickie!

On a side note of everything that took place within the last 36 hours, this gave me chills. Kasey’s dad told him yesterday that months ago Ms. Juanita had asked them to handle her funeral arrangements. She already had the expenses saved and she just wanted them to go ahead and have everything taken care of. Chilling enough, the appointment that was made months ago was this morning, hours before she would take her last breath. It’s almost as if she already knew, gives me chills.

I know that this was a lot of information but I wanted to share it with each of you as a reminder of how quickly something can change and how quickly someone can be taken away from us. One minute everything seems positive and the next minute, it takes a negative turn. Just hug those you love extra tight and if you haven’t spoken to or seen your loved ones in awhile, make that phone call or go visit. You never know when the good Lord will call them home.

Ms. Juanita, we love you and pray you’re up there talking with grandpa and Jenny with Sparky back on your lap. In the words of Laekyn tonight during prayer: “I pray that Ms. Juanita is having a fun time in Heaven, please Lord let her visit Kasey in his mind and let him know she is okay.” I’m a puddle!! 😭 We miss you and look forward to the day we see you again. Rest in peace beautiful angel. 

Christmas Reflection

In the midst of the Christmas festivities, I found myself strung thin with the feeling of the world on my shoulders. Each year I say I am going to be ahead of the game and have everything prepared way before Christmas arrives and each year, Christmas hits me in the face before I even blink and realize it’s there. I am adamant it comes faster each year, don’t you agree? The feeling of getting everything wrapped, cooked, baked, and finalized for get togethers can really cause some unneeded anxiety and stress in what should be a rejoicing time of year.

Although my family is fully aware that Jesus is the reason for the season, I absolutely love giving gifts and find such joy in purchasing, making, wrapping, and giving to others. It’s one of my favorite things about Christmas aside from Jesus’ birth. This year, mini spent the night with her dad on Christmas Eve so I slept in and soaked in the quiet morning although I missed her excitement over Santa’s visit in the wee hours of the morning and I eagerly waiting for her to be home.

Our tree was absolutely beautiful Christmas morning. It had looked the same since the day I put it up but something about sitting on the couch, relaxing with Kasey, enjoying the parade, and just soaking in every second made it seem that more beautiful. There was something so serene about the calmness of not being in the hustle and bustle of the season that during those moments, I really reflected on how blessed I am. Not because I had a Christmas tree full of ornaments and lights, or presents underneath, but simply because I was awake and healthy. I was full of anticipation for my beautiful little girl to get home from her dad’s. I was full of excitement that I would be spending the next hours and days with our families and friends. I just have so much to be thankful for that I overlook and take for granted way more often than I should.

  
As the new year approaches, that is one thing that I am trying to do better at. Truly and honestly, being grateful and recognizing the many blessings daily and not just when it’s convenient. How easy it is to get caught up and only recognize our blessings when it fits into our schedule but don’t you believe that our blessings are even more apparent during our struggles and moments of weakness? It just takes a little more effort on our part to notice and appreciate them.

I hope that your Christmas was spent with those who make your heart swell. Until next time my friends,

Hollie

Difficult Season

As I sit here typing this, my eyes are welled up with tears just ready to drop at one blink of my eyes. My breathing is heavy and my heart is heavier. When you hear people say that parenting is one of the most difficult jobs in the world, boy are they right. We’ve had our share of hard parenting times but they are always outweighed with the good times. Sometimes though, I feel we take 1 steps forward and then 2 steps backwards. What I’m going to write about today has been this way since about Kindergarten (and now we are half way through fourth grade). We’ve tried many different solutions, some help better than others, and some don’t help at all. This is me just venting and hopefully letting you know that if you are going through this same season, you aren’t alone.

My daughter has always been funny about clothing since she could carry on a conversation. Something is either too tight, too itchy, too scratchy, you name it. When she was an infant to toddler years we didn’t run into any clothing issues. She wore everything without a fuss. Then we got to the years where my grandmother would keep her and my grandmother being old fashioned wasn’t a fan of jeans. It never failed, if jeans were on her, they would wind up dirty and she would be in different clothes by the time I picked her up. It became a joke. Ever since Kindergarten, she has completely been against jeans or anything jean material. It was (and still is) a preference of leggings, sweats, yoga pants, dresses, and skirts. You can imagine our excitement when the “jeggings” came out!

Here we are now in the middle of her fourth grade year. All is well when the outfit of the day has been picked out by her but the minute the outfit has to be changed into something that she doesn’t like then it is full out war. Let me explain today in minor detail. She wanted to wear a brown suede skirt with a black velvet long sleeve shirt. She put this outfit on and I’m being honest, it was horrid. I know I shouldn’t worry too much about her outfit but at the same time, I do not want others to form negative opinions based on a poorly put together outfit. I wish now I would’ve snapped a picture just so you could see what I mean because words couldn’t do it justice. I didn’t though, so here I am trying to make sense of it all to you. Long story short, she was behind on time. I put together an outfit that included a long sleeved pink shirt and some fake jeans. They aren’t quite leggings but they aren’t jeans, I don’t even know the proper term for them. Well, she literally pitched a fit. Her and I got into a yelling/mean word match (I know, I know, parenting fail on my part) and it just escalated. By the time it was time to leave for school, her face was splotchy red with crocodile tears running down her cheek and she’s trying to apologize. As I close the door, I almost fall to the floor. Crying out in disappointment, aggravation, sadness, madness, and just feeling like I am a complete fail as a parent.

That’s how it goes every time. We’ll have our moment of fussing, crying, getting mad, saying mean and hurtful things, and then apologizing. Why am I even sitting here writing about this? No other reason except to let all of you parents out there relate. If you have gone through or are going through similar scenarios then I want you to know, you are not alone.

Some things that have helped us avoid mornings like this:

  • Planning outfits the night before (although we haven’t made this a regular thing but might need to)
  • Allowing her to dress herself no matter what the outfit looks like and if it’s clean (she will gladly wear a dirty pair of pants that she loves over a clean pair of pants that she dislikes)
  • Giving her choices (even if it’s something she doesn’t like, if she has a choice then she still handles it better than no choice at all)

I realize that some people might say this stuff is petty and we make a big deal out of nothing and I agree, you have to choose your battles. At the same time, this is our battle. We thankfully don’t have other battles that some parents go through. I also am coming to the realization that no matter how much I love my daughter, she is becoming if she isn’t already, a spoiled brat. Not one of those spoiled brats that people can’t stand to be around, she has a heart of gold and such a sweet spirit. Just the spoiled brat way that we have literally tried to give her the whole world and the minute that something doesn’t go her way (always about clothes in her case) then we wind up having one of these moments. I keep believing that this is a season and one day we won’t be facing this hardship. I sure hope.

However, through it all I love her no different. She is still my little girl. I want absolutely nothing but the best for her which is why it is so hard sometimes. Tough lesson in growing up and parenting as well. It’s a process. If you have any similar scenarios then I would love for you to share them to know that hey, we aren’t alone as well. Us parents need to rally together in moments like this instead of pointing fingers and belittling each other based on our different experiences and battles. Parenting isn’t always sunshine and roses but it’s such a blessing and I am so incredibly thankful God has called me to be her parent, even through the storms.

Let’s build each other help!

Thankful

This is the time of year where we all seem to reflect on what we are most thankful for. I wanted to post my ‘top 10’ that I am most thankful for..

  1. Life – I am thankful for the ability to live and although I am not perfect, I am thankful for another day to try and be the best I can be.
  2. Love – I am thankful for God’s love, a love that is indescribable other than using the word unconditional. I am thankful that no matter how many times I fail, God still loves me and cares for me. He loves and cares for you, too!
  3. Family – I am so incredible thankful for my family. As a whole it can be dysfunctional at times but I love each and every member and know that at the end of each day no matter the circumstances, we all are there for each other.
  4. My daughter – I am so thankful that the Lord called me to be her mom. Parenthood isn’t always sunshine and roses but everyday with her is full of love and laughter. I am so proud and hope that the Lord blesses me with many more years as her mom.
  5. My boyfriend, Kasey – This man right here is the only man who can get on my absolute nerves yet I love him more and more each day. He has shown me such support in the most darkest times and going through life with him is nothing but special. He truly is one of my biggest fans and I cherish every minute of our love story!
  6. Freedom – I am so incredibly thankful for the freedoms that we have in America. So many of which we often take advantage of.
  7. Material things – I know I shouldn’t put much emphasis on material things but in this case, I am super thankful for our home, warmth, food, electricity, all the material things that allow us to live peacefully and without worry of going without.
  8. Friends – I don’t have many that I truly consider an honest friend but the few I do have, I cherish their friendship. I cherish their brutal honesty, and I cherish each moment spent with them.
  9. Experiences – I am thankful for both good and bad experiences. At just 30 years young I have been through so many different things that some people don’t experience in their lifetime. Each experience has shaped me into the person I am today.
  10. Passion & Purpose – I couldn’t be more thankful to feel so passionate about not one topic but many. To have a passion for something gives so much purpose. I am thankful for the callings and direction that God places on my heart to fulfill his purpose.

What are you most thankful for this Thanksgiving season?

With Tear Filled Eyes..

My sweet kitty Madison “Maddie” had gotten back to herself after her antibiotic treatment in February. I want to thank all of you who expressed concern and prayed for my sweet cat Maddie when she developed a respiratory infection back in February. Your prayers were answered and they meant the world to me. Now, my prayer was answered, just not as soon as I had imagined it would be.

She was eating, drinking, and being herself. I no longer had the worries and concerns over her health and I enjoyed her presence as I worked and she sat next to me on a pull out tray from my desk. She was getting older you see, and her muscles had deteriated. Her body began to get smaller but her heart was still so large. Her cuddles were constant and a huge part of my daily routine. I’d walk in the door and she’d be right there to greet me. She was the one thing that had been constant for the last 17 years in my life. She had gone through all of the good, the bad, and the ugly. Yet, she loved me unconditionally. When she’d lie down, she moved a little slower but it never stopped her from jumping up in my lap. When I wanted to cry, I didn’t grab a pillow. I scooped up my sweet fur baby and she would lick my tears when I was upset. My sweet cat would be a my comforter like no other. Despite her getting older, she still had a spunk about her. If you rubbed her tummy where she didn’t want to be rubbed she’d let you know with a quick friendly nip. In the middle of last week, I really noticed a change.

She started to get her cold like symptoms again and just laid around. She appeared to be so tired yet she’d still come around. She’d still cuddle with me and eat up her food and water. I started giving her antibiotics again to treat the cold bothering her. A couple days later as I worked, I just got this feeling down deep in my gut. I even reached out and told a best friend, I don’t think Maddie is going to make it much longer. Her strides were shorter, her bones seemed weaker. Although she was eating and drinking, she just seemed worn out. How in just two days can that change so drastically? How can my sweet girl not look naturally? She was laying on my desk as she normally would. I began to sob and cry out to Jesus. The words I prayed were:

“Dear God, only you can heal my sweet girl. Please Lord, I am putting it all in your hands. Please make the situation to where I don’t have to make any difficult decision. In your precious name I pray, Amen.”

Right after I finished that prayer, my sweet girl sat up and walked in between my keyboard and I. She looked me in the eyes and licked my hand. Then she laid down next to my arm. Before I signed off work, I made sure she still ate and she gobbled up the wet food that I had on her plate. That Friday afternoon my daughter and I had to leave because she was going to be participating in her first pageant. When we walked out that door, nothing could prepare me for what I’d return home to.

The night went on, we celebrated my daughter’s first pageant experience and we parted ways. She was staying with her dad that night so it was just Kasey and I on our way home. I said to him on the car ride home “I sure hope my Maddie is feeling better when we get home.” Then, I walked in the door.

Towards the living room I went and saw her lying on the floor. My stomach sank and I rushed to turn on the light. There was no sign of breathing as I fell to the floor and wept. My dear sweet Maddie had taken her last breath. I couldn’t believe my eyes and I kept waiting for the nightmare to end. It wasn’t a nightmare but reality, I lost my best friend. The one who was always there my daughter’s entire life, who shared the last 17 years of mine. My sweet fur baby, I miss you so much. My heart aches and my home will never be the same. The night she passed I had a dream. In my dream when we opened the box we placed her body in, she was breathing again and sat up when we pet her soft fur. Oh how I wish it were true, but I woke up to the sad realization that it isn’t.

She lived a long and great life, I’m so thankful for those memories. Nothing can replace the love that she gave to me though. I have caught myself getting ready to call out her name. I even glanced down last night and swore she was standing at my feet. She wasn’t but I cannot wait for the day she will be. When I go through those gates and she greets me looking just as healthy and happy as I remember. The upcoming days will be tough and I know I’ll have those breakdown moments but I am so thankful for the years I was able to share with her. She was my companion and I will never forget her. You see, my prayer was answered. She knew it was her time and she was tired. Her coming to me on my desk was her way of letting me know she was okay and that she loves me. I believe this with my whole heart. She waited until we were gone to make it easier on us and sure enough, the decision was not on me. Thank you Lord for my answered prayer.

I love you Maddie, we all do. We miss you so very much. Thank you for the love you showed us and I sure how you know how much you were and still are loved. I’ll see you again on the rainbow bridge, my friend.

RIP Madison “Maddie” 1998-2015

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue

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Happy Valentine’s Day!

My love surprised me with an early Valentine’s date night. We went and saw one of my favorites, Jason Aldean! I was totally excited. The show was awesome and we had a great time with great company.

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He opened his Valentine’s present this morning and I’m taking him to see Between the Buried and Me, he is stoked. I am not a metal fan and will be way out of my element but for all the concerts he takes me to, I can go with him to one of his favorites. Not to mention I graduated with one of the band members so I’m hoping we’ll be able to get some pics with them.

I can’t wait for my sweet girl to open her present, she’s getting two more Frozen POP figurines, Elsa and Anna. She is also getting a gift card for her Kindle tablet. Mom score!

Yesterday her class held their Valentine’s party and I have been so excited to share with you this year’s DIY Valentine we made… School color friendship bracelets! Super huge hit.

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Hope you all have a wonderful day and spend it with those who make your heart full and warm.

XO!

Valentine’s Day

…is only 10 days away!
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Can you believe it? It seems just like yesterday we were celebrating the new year. What are your thoughts on Valentine’s Day? Do you celebrate it, despise it, don’t care? I have always been one who looks forward to it. I remember as a young child, the excitement for our Valentine’s party at school and exchanging of cards and candy. Having my own daughter, I think I enjoy it even more. There is just something fun and competitive about striving to make an awesome DIY Valentine for her to pass out to her classmates. I do however, feel like you should show your loved ones EVERY day that you love them and not just during holidays such as Valentine’s Day.

If you do partake in the fun of Valentine’s Day and have children, do you already have their valentine’s picked out? I was on top of it this year and had ours decided on at the start of the year. I have not yet began to make them though, better get on that. If you haven’t picked yours out I recommend Pinterest, there are LOTS of ideas on there for fun and creative valentines.

Here are the DIY valentines she’s passed out in the past:

Kindergarten – Heart shaped crayons
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1st Grade – 3D photo of her holding a lollipop
(will have to find it so I can take a photo of it for this post)

2nd Grade – Minion Twinkies
Says “Friends like you are one in a minion”
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You’ll have to check back later to see what she’s giving out this year. I’m pretty excited about it!!

Bachelor Nation!

The time has finally come that we all (or at least some of us) have been waiting for.. the premier of Chris Soules’ Bachelor season. It’s sure to be a great one. The premier came on last night but I worked late and didn’t get to watch it live. However, I am super thankful for DVR and the ability to skip through the commercials and get to the good stuff. For those of you who aren’t familiar with Chris, I was a huge fan of his last Bachelorette season. He was in the final three and got sent home after he allowed himself to be vulnerable and confessed his love to Andi. Although I was a fan of his and wanted her to choose him, I’m glad she didn’t because now we all get to gush over him just a little bit longer as he takes a journey to yet again, find love. I must also add, Andi and Josh are totally adorable. Yes, this will be a long, opinionated, and girly post.. if that’s not your thing, I’d exit it now. (Can’t say I didn’t warn ya).

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I really enjoyed hearing from the recent couples and to see them still so happy! I thought it was classy of Nikki to not throw Juan Pablo under the bus when so much of the nation feels she should. She responded with confidence in my opinion and tried her best to be respectful to him. That takes a lot after what she went through, in front of an entire nation at that. The only issue I had with her was the constant “like” but maybe it was just nerves.

So let’s get this started, I’m going to post my first impressions on all of the bachelorette ladies as I’m watching.

The women (or first 15):
Amanda – Lives at home with her mom, doesn’t cook, and doesn’t like to clean? Hmmmm. Awkward limo exit. Not a fan. Really big eyes, seems a little too talkative but we’ll see.
Amber – Eh’, pretty gal but he didn’t seem into her.
Ashley I. – She’s gonna get on my nerves I have a feeling, seems kinda loud and obnoxious. We’ll see?
Ashley S. – Didn’t look to happy when she exited the limo. Placed a “lucky penny” in Chris’ shoe. I believe she’s the one who hugged him first when he went inside.
Britt – First lady out of the limo. Seems to have good values regarding relationships & intimacy. The longest hug, ever. Seems giddy, loved the free hug slip of paper. First one on one time, I liked her talk with him even if it seems a tad too early. She just might get the first impression. I like her and it appears he does as well. I totally thought they were going to kiss! One of my favorites!
Jillian – Love that she can tumble! Comes across as intimidating. Got off to a good start it seems.
Kaitlyn – Chris seemed to be attracted at first glance, awkward statement “you can plow my field any day.” Might be a hoot. Chris kinda cut her off from “telling a joke” and took the floor. “Why did the walrus go to a Tupperware party?” “Because he wanted to find a tight seal.” Inappropriate but she’ll be entertaining.
Kelsey – Seems elegant, mature, naturally pretty. Gave me chills explaining that she’s a widow at 28 years old.
Mackenzie – Young mother, seems genuine and mature for her age. Appeared nervous.
Megan – Seemed really nervous, Chris seemed to be attracted to her.
Nikki – No real opinion yet.
Reegan – Awkward limo exit with the cooler and fake heart. Wasn’t impressed by the one arm hug.
Tara – Loved that she showed up in boots, shorts, and plaid. Risky and confident in her style. I think i’ll like her. The other girls, not so much. Then, her second limo exit.. ha!
Trina – Pretty gal, loved her limo exit. They seemed to connect.
Whitney – Looks resemble Jessica Parker to me. Seems confident and comfortable, like the southern accent. He seemed to really like her. Asked him about insemination in pigs, ha! Chris said he’s excited about her.

The other women (last 15 girls to arrive):
Alissa – Cheesy but cute blog. Memorable limo exit with the seatbelt.
Becca – Chris seemed to have a great first impression, really pretty girl and beautiful dress choice. One of my favorites from the limo exits!
Bo – No real impression yet.
Brittany – Scandalous, came across as confident, sexy, and risky. Cute hashtag poster board (#Soulesmates).
Carly – Came out doing karaoke, gutsy and confident. Liked her!
Jade – Chris seemed to really be attracted to her. She seemed cute and sweet.
Jordan – Brought him whiskey for a shot, memorable.
Juelia – No opinion yet.
Kara – Already talking about babies right out of the limo.
Kimberly – Thought her dress was beautiful and simple.
Michelle – Seemed giddy, wasn’t a fan of her dress. Called Chris a “babe”.
Nicole – Came out with a pig snout on, brave and confident. Cute statement “wanted to ham it up for you.”
Samantha – First gal out of the second group of 15. Didn’t like the fact she told her “buh bye” when she walked off. Walked into a tension trap with the first 15 girls who arrived.
Tandra – Arrived on a motorcycle, memorable entrance. Gorgeous dress and gal. Chris seemed impressed.
Tracy – Cute, shared notes from her students. Good first impression.

Okay, I jotted my notes and made some predictions on who I thought Chris had an automatic connection with. I believe the first impression rose will go to Britt. That was before the last 15 girls so it’ll be interesting. I think Kaitlyn is going to be entertaining, Chris called her a firecracker. She’ll be around for entertainment I have a feeling, ha! With 30 girls, the one on one time seemed to be cut shorter than usual. “The claws are out” was a statement made by one of them and I couldn’t agree, they are definitely aggressive already. Not a good impression by Ashley S. when Chris and Brittany were in conversation, we about to be a brawl. Then was all hung up on talking about an onion. I’m not a fan of hers so far (Ashley S.). I think a few of the gals definitely enjoyed the alcohol too much.. Tara for sure, poor girl. Might have ruined her confident and memorable limo exit. Liked the duet song question when Chris said it would have to be something country, Tim McGraw and Faith Hill. Don’t remember who that conversation was with. Interesting conversations and it’s almost time for the first impression rose so the tension is building.

(Drumroll please) The first impression rose goes to… BRITT!!! I knew it, I just got chills that I saw that connection when they first laid eyes on each other AND then they shared their first kiss (on the first night mind you). Yep, she’ll be around for a long time and I am so giddy about it! No lie, I didn’t skip ahead and as you read this blog is how I’m watching and typing. Love it!

My favorite four based on the first show are: Britt (obviously), Kelsey, Becca, and Carly. Hoping they get a rose.

First rose ceremony is happening now. Once it’s over, I’ll post who didn’t receive a rose. On a side note, do you ever wonder how they remember all of the names when they are handing out the roses? I certainly do, I’m terrible with names. Especially the first time I meet someone. I am assuming they have something to reference when it’s the first night but who knows. During the rose ceremony – Tara is beginning to feel sick it seems standing and waiting. Bless her heart, she had too much to drink and looks miserable. Oh man, she almost fell! I feel terrible for her, I really liked her when she exited the limo. Interesting, Chris just walked out without saying a word. Oh my. He left to talk about Tara. he was going to pick her but has picked up on her sloppy drunkenness. Let’s see how this plays out. He’s second guessing himself on the first night, this could be “the most dramatic season, yet.” Had to throw it in there for all my avid Bachelor buddies! He just called Tara’s name and the girls in the room were floored. Alright readers, leaving on the first night are (with tear filled eyes).. Nicole, Amanda, Kara, Kimberly. Glad my favorites survived the first night!!

Whoa, Kimberly just went back in after she was supposed to leave and asked to steal Chris for a second (all the while, they were in the middle of celebrating the end of the rose ceremony and making it to another week). Won’t see what happens with that until next week. Ahhh, the anticipation!

Well there you have it, my live blog thoughts as I watched the much-anticipated 3-hour premiere. If you’re watching then I’m assuming you’re the only ones who’d still be reading at this point but, I’d love to hear your opinions on the first night and who your favorites are. It’s going to be an exciting season and I’ll be back with more next week!